In the spirit of what I said last week, I am being honest in my blog posts this year. (Not that I was lying before. I just thought I was being a bit bland). And, the first truth is a BIG one!
I am fat.
I measured my BMI last week and I am officially in the overweight category (and it’s sneaking up towards obese!) I’m the heaviest I have ever been and I’m not sure how it happened. However, I think it might have to do with the new place we live in.
Firstly, the move has drastically reduced the size of my living quarters, without us reducing the number of possessions we had. As a result I have no room to roll our my yoga mat. And so, for the first time in a very long time, I have not been able to practice yoga at home. I also haven’t been able to find a class locally and therefore I currently have NO practice of yoga or Pilates.
Secondly, and perhaps more importantly, by moving away from Glasgow I have left all my friends and support circle. And with Chris working all the time I am on my own (with Foxy of course but essentially on my own) for hours and sometimes days at a time. On top of that, I don’t know the area very well and have found my neighbours to be distinctly unfriendly. So I don’t go out much. Foxy gets a walk around the block and that’s it.
I have never been so lonely in all my life. I’m not saying this to garner sympathy – I’m just being honest. It has been my lifelong habit that when I have an emotional hole I fill it with food. I crave sweetness and comfort and so I grab chocolate/sweets/ice cream by the kilo and hope that this comfort food will do the trick. Of course, it never does. I still have the gaping hole of loneliness but now it’s surrounded by a deep layer of visceral fat.
If you’ve read this far, thank you!
I’m over my pity-party now and want to tell you what the plan is going forward. It might surprise you…
I don’t know what happened but the scales fell from my eyes on January 2nd. I looked at myself and thought,
“I’m fat. So what?!”
Instead of continuing to play the victim I have decided to embrace my new figure rather than hiding it in misshapen tracksuit bottoms and XL t-shirts. This gave me the excuse to do some online shopping in my favourite stores – Sweaty Betty, Manuka and My Mantra – and I can’t wait to wear my new threads at my next Yoga Teacher Training weekend.
I have also decided to develop a workshop based on yoga for real people rather than skinny, bendy folks. I hate how much posturing there is on Instagram and Facebook with all these yogis in advanced arm balances that just put people off even trying yoga for themselves. I want people to know that yoga is not all about tying yourself in knots but more about untying the knots in your head. I’m really excited about this so expect to hear more this year.
Finally, I have decided that I don’t want to creep up into that obese category so I am planning to embark on a Yoga Detox, starting this Monday. If I’m feeling brave enough I will share more about this as I go, including my weight and measurements and how they change as I begin to “nourish” instead of “comfort” myself. Part of this nourishment will definitely involve a house move so I will be able to build a better life for myself in 2016 and can once again practice what I preach.
What about you? What are your plans for this year?? Feel free to comment below or on the Facebook page. I’d love to hear what you’re struggling with. Strange as it may seem, it makes me feel less lonely to know you’re feeling similar things to me.